Sunday, 11 August 2013

Overcoming fear

I've had a long afternoon to myself - bliss!!  My husband and I both work from home and it's very rare that I get the house to myself - short of throwing him out on the lawn!!!    But that'd never do :)   He'd only go round the back and get back in again like the cat we used to have :)

Reading Blogs
I've spent a couple of hours reading blogs - and getting very encouraged and inspired by all the wonderful stories, advice, wisdom, sorrows and laughs I'm reading ..   When I signed up for Effy's Blogalong challenge I thought that I'd maybe manage one or two, but now I'm getting very angsty if I miss one ...  in fact I'm almost thinking that this is something to carry on with after the month.    But don't get ahead of yourself!   There's still 19 days to go.

Lessons Learned ..
One thing I've learned this month so far, is persistence  and attention to detail - well two things actually!   And in my journal a memory came flying out at me - being told by a music teacher that I was unmusical - not only that, but THE MOST unmusical child she'd ever come across!!!   This, as she was holding the door open for me to walk into my Grade 7 piano exam!!!   Well!!!   Needless to remark, the results weren't very good on that particular day!!  But I thought I'd left that behind.   Apparently not!

Fears...
I have an almost pathological fear of practising - my stomach goes into knots, panic overtakes me, a pressure headache follows and I go and play a game on the computer instead!!  I can learn songs for an occasion ok, but allowing myself to just mess around, to play (thank you to Juel for the wonderful post about play) , to enjoy myself, even to enjoy listening to music and playing along with it - it becomes a terrifying experience.    Sometimes I can get through it and once the guitar is in my hand or I'm at the piano then I'm fine ... but getting to there is a pain - and my body has taken on a lot of these pains over the years, to the point where I've given myself the ultimate excuse by getting Rheumatoid Arthritis and Sjogrens Syndrome - one affecting my hands and the other affecting my mouth and voice!!

Helping others but not myself
I work with singers who were told when they were young that they couldn't sing and I'm a very good teacher - or allower would probably be a better word - I believe you can't be taught to sing cos you already know how to do that, but I can help you allow yourself to do it and I'm very very good at doing that ...for others.   So one of my girls has to sing at a wedding this coming week - she was very nervous and asked me to play piano for her and then the practice gremlin came out to play again.    So thanks to Effy and the wonderful members of the Glitteratia for pointing out the value of persistence and attention to detail,  I'm going to use this event to focus on this fear - again - with the help of some EFT and journalling as well ...
And I found this in my journal which made me smile ... I added the quote today.

As usual I couldn't think what to write about when I started this page ...   This is Day 11 of Effy's Blogalong Challenge.

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4 comments:

  1. Fil, I understand how the "going" to the piano puts fear in you. I took piano lessons for eight years and practiced about four. My piano teacher told my mom I was just memorizing sounds not playing. She was know for slapping piano hands with her ruler. Not a great introduction to music. I'm glad you've persevered over the words said to you. Love the journal page.

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  2. Love the journal page. About your personal journey, I think that fear is part of everything, but not letting it keep you away from what you really want to do and enjoy doing is more important.
    Hugs,
    Julia

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  3. Often, more often than not, when we help others we *are* helping ourSelves, though it may not take root in our conscious awareness until our ground is fertile and ripe for it. Know what I mean? Keep doing the beautiful work that you're doing.

    And … "He'd only go round the back and get back in again like the cat we used to have." Cracked me up!

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